In alarm. Return to the fire of light,
And calm returns. I have read in a book
That you destroy yourself, cleaving your heart
In an explosion of joy and comfort.
Though your warmth and vast power will outlive
Us all, one day you will lay your burdens
Down. In the years before the final flash,
I pray that you gaze one time toward me
Forgetting all that I wanted to take,
Then burst aflame across the endless void-
Forever the most beautiful star in the sky.
Shall I grow daisies or delphinium
At the door, or would you prefer flowers
Carefully cut and drinking from a vase?
A hundred seashells from a dozen seas
Adorn the steps. I have captured the sun
In a jar, snuff it out if you desire
Darkness. Shall I show you all that shimmers?
A hoard of gold and silver, mere marbles
But I will stretch them to a braided band
If ever you should wish to wear a crown.
The wind like the fluttering of feathers
Chills me for a moment, you disappear.
Plastic milk caps, glinting foil, copper coins—
I was a fool to hope you could be fooled.
My love, I called out but you would not sing.
Lanterns in my temple darkened. The moon
Shone crimson. No owl or insect was heard.
I lit a match beneath that sharp shadow.
I held it until my fingertips singed.
I quickly lit another. Nothing moved.
I was alone and had no grand desire
But your arms around me. Impossible.
I will not need to call your name again.
Light a match! Tremble at my blasphemy!
For I have made another one of you,
And I have imprisoned that one within me.
You can keep something on a shelf too long—
Batteries drained of blood, slack elastic,
Motionless clothes remembered by the moths.
Ink hardens. Paper turns to light, then air.
For all these years I drank my coffee black.
In some way it was like seeing her face.
I would claim it was all unbearable,
To suffer being replaced and replaced
Until the sky froze and the moon fell down,
But I can hear her piercing mocking laugh,
Her condemnation of cream and sugar,
And I so desperate for her regard…
If I am compelled to tell the whole truth
I craved to trade the sweet for the bitter.
Now those moments are a decade removed,
And almost all of that time spent without her.
The world entire was the point of a sword
As I stumbled through a haze of nightmare.
Why torment myself over a woman
Who discarded me and chose another?
The seven years expired. The sand ran out
And yet I stared into the emptied glass.
A coworker woke me with a question.
She asked if I needed a drink. I asked
For coffee. “Black,” she said with a wise nod—
Not the first time I have begged for a cup.
I stopped her. “No,” I said. “Cream and sugar.”
“How much sugar?”
“Um, one standard unit.”
“How much cream?”
“I suppose one will do.”
She handed it over. I twirled the spoon
And smiled at the sound of scraped ceramic.
I closed my eyes. I took a drink. It tasted good.
