Bukowski no. 15

Walking down the road half drunk I say to myself-

If I had a little more money it’d be alright.

I get inside.

I smile and palm over six bucks

for six beers with an American flag on the label,

and I don’t even like the taste.

I walk back on down the road and

everything is wrong here.

The roads and stores are full of Yankees

and if you look inside the street-side windows

instead of some dirty methheads humping away their hatred

all you can see are the rejects of Normal Rockwell.

If I had a little more money it’d be alright,

no one would bother me,

I would never have to go out

and someone would bring bottles of red wine

and multivitamins

to my doorway and I’d tip them generously.

People would listen to me when I was full of shit

and tell me I was a genius and I would believe them.

There’s a bum on the corner with his asscrack hanging out,

too tired or cold to beg

and something in him shows that he ain't got five dollars to rub together

or five bucks of beer,

but he can tell that I do.

If I had a little more money I'd never have to fucking see him

and maybe then I wouldn't have to see myself either.

Bukowski no. 14

I ate the leftover spaghetti with two meatballs,

then heated up some macaroni with shredded cheese on top

and drowned it with hot sauce.

Twenty minutes after that I was still out of beer

so I got the cheesecake box out of the fridge.

There were two pieces left

wild blueberry

and

strawberry original,

I could have chosen one but the box was coming apart

so I chose both.

I brought the plate with two forks to the bedroom

but she didn’t want any

so I shrugged and ate both pieces.

They tasted

just like the names promised they would

and I really gotta look for a job tomorrow

but not tonight.

Carmen 48

My woman and I had to move a fish tank,

a real big bastard that held around 150 gallons.

I didn’t really want to do it so I was drinking before she woke

on a Sunday. I ran out of beer, but that doesn’t matter so much

north of the Mason-Dixon line, so I walked four blocks

to the convenience store with death metal

playing in my headphones.

I bought a lot of beer and didn’t flirt with the cashier

and started walking home. Two blocks down I looked to the left

and there were all these toys on the lawn,

strewn like they’d been thrown from a doorway.

Every one of them made noise. There was a fake conga drum,

a push-button guitar with the batteries removed,

a xylophone with keys in rainbow colors and broken mallets,

and some others. I could almost make a band,

but Sunday isn’t garbage day.

I got stuck there holding my beer, curious

until I remembered how many times I’d bought beer walking down this road

and heard a man yelling at someone inside.

I put the beer down and piled the toys together delicately,

as if I was afraid of making a scratch.

The xylophone and drum and what the fuck ever

stood there in a solemn tripod.

I hope it made the kid feel better.

Maybe it would have made me feel better,

if someone had done a thing like that for me.

Hell if I know, I didn’t have toys like that.

I got home and pushed the door in.

One of the dogs was laying on the kitchen floor

atop a heap of refuse: old aquarium filters, ruined shoes,

clothes that smelled like dirt and piss and dogshit.

She was smiling.

I have a lot to learn from her.

Bukowski no. 13

Fuck if I know why I was talking to the bank

at nine at night,

but she asked me to call them.

I performed poorly on the call, pissed her off somehow,

and then she said something sharp to me.

I can’t remember what she said

but I remember

afterward

the throbbing heat

in my ears and under both cheekbones.

My guitar tuner told me I hadn’t tuned my instrument

in thirty one days. What kind of goddam machine scolds you

for lack of practice? Such a modern world.

I sat on my bed and played really bad 12 bar blues in E

for fifteen minutes. It went on until my fingertips started to go numb.

It sounded worse and felt better the longer I played.

Ain’t a convenient way to end this coming to mind,

so I guess I’ll cap it off by mentioning

that it was cold and rainy outside today,

and if you’re gonna narrow your eyes at me

you better have a knife in hand or a guitar for me to play.